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Thursday, August 08, 2002

Official Spam of the Austin Outpost of the Guerrilla Queer Bar

Inside this edition of the Smoking Banana (August 2002)
--->Troop Alert: B Side at the Bitter End, 311 Colorado, 78701, 478-2337.
--->What to wear to the invasion: WHITE COTTON T-SHIRT
--->Happy Birthday TWO Us
--->Mary Christmas at LaLa's in July
--->Pub Crawl Pics
--->Blurt: SF Gay Pride to Invade 4th of July?
--->Blurt: Austin Gay Leather Social, Rainbow Cattle Co, Field Report
--->Letter to the Editor: Big City Queers
--->Are you my mommy? Maybe you're my daddy
--->Upcoming Invasions of the 21st century

Troop Alert

Attack Details

What: Homo Happy Hour
When: Friday, August 9, 6-9 pm
Where: B Side at the Bitter End, 311 Colorado, 78701, 478-2337

Happy Birthday TWO Us

My how time flies when you're having fun men. I hope you've had your share of fun men over the past two years. This month marks the 2-year anniversary of our first invasion when 3 fun men sent out invitations to their friends and were happily surprised to find themselves joined by 40 others at the Star Bar. The rest is history, a trail of broken hearts (not), and a growing bar tab. To commerate two year's worth of 28 successful invasions, we think it's appropriate this month to don a uniform made of the traditional 2nd anniversary gift of cotton, thus, we are encouraging all y'all to wear a white cotton tee. Now, the fashion queen side of you may be palpitating over wearing underwear as outerwear at a downtown bar, but let us remind you that we're not (necessarily) advocating that you wear your yellow-pitted, beholed favorite Fruit of the Loom from the 6th grade. Let us also remind you, that James Dean was one of us, and that yes indeed, a properly worn white cotton tee is indeed a hallmark of "gay fashion (tm)", let alone that it's inherently homoerotic and sexy. So, suppress your queeny instincts (if you have them) and let out your inner James Dean. If you have a bitter side, you can leave that at home too, because the men of the Austin GQB are all about possibiliities. Instead, bring a little sugar and join us at the B Side of the Bitter End (The B Side is next door) . See you soon.

Oh, one last thing. I've not wanted to OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCE THE LAUNCH of the Smoking Banana website because this is not a professionally run organization and I don't want to mislead anyone into thinking that this is some sort of webby dot com thing where you can expect a lot for nothing, but I did want to let you know that for the last several months I've been experimenting with an online version of this newsletter. Seeing as I've had sufficient rehearsal, our anniversay is as good a day to tell y'all about it as any. It's basically the same info in an easier to read format (I think). I think you'll like it. Find it where else but at

Mary Christmas at LaLa's in July

Bravo! LaLa's was utterly and completely ours last month. The two elderly women bar tenders were more than occupied by our business. Within 30 minutes of arrival, the wait at the bar was already 10-15 minutes. The poor thangs (us) had to double our drink orders so that we wouldn't have to get back in line again. The poor thangs (them) had to send out for ice because they weren't accustomed to making so many cocktails. Oy. Many of us had our beer served in the can. How authentic. Our vigilant shutterbugs Clayton and Bruce have captured the memories on their respective sites at and Thanks, Clayton and Bruce! The experience also elicited some written feedback from the troops. Here's an observation from weatherman Kris:

"Thanks again for organizing last Friday's event----Christmas in July was a hoot. My favorite line all night was when one queen went to the bar and asked one of the two ladies serving as bartenders "how about a cosmo..." and she responded by shaking her head and saying. "no, how about a cape cod......." To which, he shrugged his shoulders and agreed. Priceless." If you weren't there, you missed it.

Pub Crawl Pics

Bruce has generously made available the pics of our Pub Crawl in June ( A bunch of gay men hanging out in an alley in DAYLIGHT just doesn't look right. It's not that the dumpsters are unflattering. I think it's the rainbow-colored shirts. It's just not alley-wear if you ask me. My favorite is the celebrity shot of our recent mayoral candidate: Incidentally, Bruce is apparently archiving the pics from many of our invasions. They're sorted by month and there's quite a few REALLY GOOD (I mean like, send-home-to-your-mom good) shots of you some of you and your tricks. Check 'em out at Thanks, Bruce.

Blurt: SF Gay Pride to Invade 4th of July?

We received a communique from the Mother Ship. Apparently, there's some ideological upsides to colonizing San Francisco's Fourth of July festivities with this year's SF Gay Pride events. The reasons are interesting and too long for this space, but we're including the teaser and the link for more info. Fundamentally, GQB Austin supports this guerrilla event especially since we anticipated that Big City Queers might consider taking their Gay Pride Events on the Road. We had the suburbs and small towns in mind when we were thinking "on the road," but we believe that colonizing other celebrations, events, and holidays is very appropriate when it comes to the mission of a guerrilla culture organization. It was a nice feeling to say "Happy Gay Day" in Austin this June, but let's face it, we're gay 364 of the other days well. Here's the blurt:

From: Guerrilla Queer Bar []
Sent: Wednesday, July 31, 2002 6:08 PM
To: List Member
Subject: Why Should SF Move Gay Pride to July 4th in 2004?

Hello everyone....

We are departing from our usual tonque in cheek emails this week to bring
you an important announcement (see below). Before reading on, take a quick
moment to reflect on your status as a second class citizen of the United
States. Sure, life is pretty easy in gay San Francisco, but even here, we
still don't have the same basic rights everyone else takes for granted.

In 2004, July 4th, Uncle Sam's birthday, falls on a Sunday. A group of us
are circulating a petition to move the city's pride festivities to the
afternoon and evening of Sunday, July 4th that year (just one week after the
usual date).

Hunter summarizes the reasons for doing this quite well in the text below
(also available online at

So take a gander, sign our online petition, and please spread the word to
your friends and community organizations. More than anything, we want to
start a discussion about what pride is, and what it could be.

Thank you for your support!

The Gang (Barney, Hunter, Sister Bea, and company)

Blurt: Austin Gay Leather Social, Rainbow Cattle Co, Field Report

For those of you (me) among us who have been waiting for a field report, one has finally arrived. With the mention of Bears, Buttboys, and More, we are more than pleased. "Leather-curious" strikes us as a patently funny term, and we mean no disrespect, but we can't help but conjure up images of curious Aggies engaged in furtive cow-tipping for the first time. Thanks to Tim for his submission. (Apparently there are TWO Tim's. Don't get confused like we did):

I went to the Leather Social, which was my third such event. I’m a member of the Heart Of Texas Bears (woof!) so many of my friends go, and I really don’t have anything better to do on most Wednesday nights…

It’s actually much less… um… hokey then Tim makes it sound. The RCC plays “leather fuck” music whilst the Leather Social is going on, and the crowd is, um, festive. For the “leather curious,” this is a great, non-threatening place to go explore the scene (whatever THAT means) and see some real leather hotties (and, as the case with me, the not-so-hotties).

The S&M demos are actually pretty hot, but I’ll be damned if I’d allow someone to put a series of clothespins on MY body and pull them off in one fell swoop, causing me to moan in agony/joy, in the middle of a bar…

Oh. Wait. Yes I would.


For more info: Got a blurt and wanna share? Send it to us: We reserve the right to edit, tease, and ignore.

[We'd love a tutorial on the bear-wolf-otter-whale thing. Do we have any takers? --r]

Letter to the Editor

Can you believe it? The Smoking Banana actually received an official letter to the editor in response to our July issue mentioning the NYC documentary film crew that followed us on our pub crawl.

Dear Smoking Banana:

I read with interest in your latest newsletter that a documentary team has come from NYC to film us gay folk in our small provincial enclave of a city. "How on earth could those poor Texas homos survive down there in George Bush country?", they wonder.

It's got me to thinking, perhaps I should scare up a video camera and head to NYC and SF to document how all those big city slicker gay boyz are able to withstand the pollution, the gridlock traffic, the $2000/mo efficiencies, and, OH MY GOD, those 20% off sales at Kenneth Cole and H&M! Oh, and by the way, Sebastien, did you take our Labrador, Cecil, to get groomed in the Land Rover again? Haven't I told you to leave that to Agador Spartacus?

Problem is, I don't know if I'd be able to drive my pickup truck that far being that my feet are so sore from my boots, and the salt that those queer bashers put in my gas tank might make the trip awfully durn' hard.

Yours Truly,
Robert Grunnah

Are you my mommy? Maybe you're my daddy

Ever wanted to know where the secret discussion list for GQB Austin is and who's sayin' what about whom? The mommys and the daddies of the Austin GQB are passionately debating the future and mission of our merry and hairy band of 'mos. Should "where we spend our queer dollars?" be a concern when choosing invasion targets? Where are the guerrilla queer lesbians? Is the gay world a man's world? Is GQB a political movement or a drinking movement from the bar top to your mouth? Who was that drunk and handsome Cajun crooner? These are just some of the exciting topics that could fill up YOUR inbox if you so desire.

More to the point, have an opinion on where we should go next? Become one with our little herd of mismanagers (Miss Managers??). To join our petit patriarchy, click on this:

Upcoming Invasions of the 21st Century

August 9, September 13, October 11)
(The Secret Date Picking Algorithm: The SECOND Friday of every month)

Mottos, Creeds, and Oaths

"Colonize, don't clone!"

Rule #1. Don't talk about the Fist Club.
Rule #2. Don't talk about the Fist Club.

Can't spell "guerrilla"?? Try

Austin Outpost

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