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Thursday, September 12, 2002


Official Spam of the Austin Outpost of the Guerrilla Queer Bar

Inside this edition of the Smoking Banana (September 2002)
--->Troop Alert: Crown and Anchor Pub, 2911 San Jacinto Blvd, 78705, 322-9168
--->What to wear to the invasion: COLLEGE WEAR--PREFERABLY FROM YOUR ALMA MAMA
--->Why the Smoking Banana
--->No Bitter Ends at the Bitter End
--->Upcoming Invasions of the 21st century

Troop Alert

Attack Details

What: Homo Happy Hour
When: Friday, September 13, 6-9 pm
Where: Crown and Anchor Pub, 2911 San Jacinto Blvd, 78705, 322-9168

Why the Smoking Banana

So here we are two years old and still just barely able to get the word out in time. But that's all part of the fun, isn't it? Despite the high-pressure deadline, it must be said that we've thoroughly enjoyed involving all y'all in our monkey fetish. We've exploited just about every pun that could be had on monkeys, gorillas, guerrillas, soldiers, bananas, recruits, comrades-in-arms, and well, you were there. For that we apologize somewhat. To show genuine contrition, we will unravel just one of the many layers of innuendo surrounding the namesake of the Official Spam of the Austin Oupost of the Guerrilla Queer Bar--The Smoking Banana.

Did you know that you could get high from smoking dried-out banana skins? According to Cecil of the Straight Dope (Straight? Doh!), it all began with a recipe in the Anarchist Cookbook back in 1968. The author of the Cookbook claims that he got the recipe, involving 15 pounds of bananas, from military manuals. Why do "alternative" ways of getting stoned always tend to point back to the military? I guess we could ask our Aggie friends in Closet Station what they know about smoking bananas. Anyway, to save you from the research, I'm going to reprint without permission the famous recipe. Since it's September and Back to School month, it's rather appropriate because thousands of Freshmen will undoubtedly be exposed to the fine art of banana smoking in dorms across the country.

1. Obtain 15 lb. of ripe yellow bananas. 2. Peel the bananas and eat the fruit. Save the skins. 3. With a sharp knife, scrape off the insides of the skins and save the scraped material. 4. Put all scraped material in a large pot and add water. Boil for three to four hours until it has attained a solid paste consistency. 5. Spread this paste on cookie sheets and dry it in an oven for about 20-30 minutes. This will result in a fine black powder (bananadine). Usually one will feel the effects of bananadine after smoking three or four cigarettes.

No Bitter Ends at the Bitter End

We came, we saw, we conquered. Even more menfolk from the San Antonio contingent were present. Rumors persist that an SA GQB is in the works. Pondering the possibility of dispatching Austin reinforcements to their inaugural invasion in Alamo City. Lots of doctors present at the B-Side. What is it about the name of the venue that would attract 4 gay physicians? Can you tell I'm exhausted? Is anyone even reading this? I've always wanted to hide a message like this in a college term paper but was afraid to try. I'm so pretty darn tired, it's 12:50am, so this is going to be a very short banana and you know how we try to avoid short bananas if we can. Oh yeah, this month's invasion will be by remote control as I will be at my 20-year high school reunion in Alameda, California. I'm really hoping that Clayton or Bruce takes good pics because I'd really love to see y'all in your college wear at the Frown and Wank 'er. BTW, the Crown is one of my favorite Austin bars. I have a very fond memory of a straight (?) law student flirting with me by running his fist up and down the pool stick I was holding between my knees. I was speechless. There's also the memory of the straight (?) guy suddenly joining me in the restroom and peeing next to me into the same toilet bowl. I was pee-less....until I pee'd on his shoe. Needless to say, the straight (?) boys there are very friendly. Okay, end of hidden message.

Upcoming Invasions of the 21st Century

September 13, October 11, November 8
(The Secret Date Picking Algorithm: The SECOND Friday of every month)

Mottos, Creeds, and Oaths

"Colonize, don't clone!"

Rule #1. Don't talk about the Fist Club.
Rule #2. Don't talk about the Fist Club.

Can't spell "guerrilla"?? Try

Austin Outpost

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