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Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Official Spam of the Austin Outpost of the Guerrilla Queer Bar

Inside this EXTRA LONG edition of the Smoking Banana (June 2003)

--->Troop Alert: PUB CRAWL. Various locations within walking distance. See schedule below.
--->Mayberry, Texas
--->Binge and Pride
--->Bus trip!!
--->Shoal Creek Flooded with Men
--->Have you met my Fag Stag?
--->Blurt: Relaxasizors and floggers--Another Leather Social is upon us
--->COMMUNITY ALERT: Hit by Car at Parade
--->Upcoming Invasions of the 21st Century

Troop Alert

Attack Details

What: Pub Crawl
When: Friday, June 14, 6-10 pm
Where: Various locations according to schedule below
Wear: Solid color from rainbow

6:00-6:45 Speak Easy, 412 Congress Ave, 78701, 476-8017
7:00-7:45 Shakespeare's Pub, 314 E. 6th St, 78701, 472-1666
8:00-8:45 Joe's Generic Bar, 315 E. 6th St, 78701, 480-0171
9:00-9:45 Love Joy's, 604 Neches St, 78701, 477-1268

Mayberry, Texas

Last Saturday night featured Austin's second Gay Pride, I mean LGBTQ, Parade. It was bigger and longer than last year, which of course, is very important. In fact, it was so long that it ran into itself when making a southbound turn on Congress. I love watching Austin's pride festivities grow from scratch. While SF, NYC, Sydney, and even Houston have matured into high-dollar extravaganzas drawing hundreds of thousands of spectators, Austin's effort still has an amateurish, down-home feel which I enjoy very much . I believe if Mayberry had had a pride parade and festival it would look something like what we're doing in Austin. At the pride festival there was a large stage with a bleachered audience roasting in the Juneday sun. The talent varied widely, mostly to the left. I recall that several acts seemed like dance school dropouts. Others were sorta like reverse karaoke--they mouthed and gyrated to pre-recorded music. But I wasn't expecting professional grade talent. Mostly, I was looking for a place to sit down. But even if I had desired to be entertained, I was expecting the homo Opie's and Opie dragkings to do exactly what they were doing. For the audience, it was the equivalent of straight people enduring the annual end-of-school year show put on by their kids. These pride performers were our kids and bizarrely, we were proud of 'em, regardless of what they were doing on stage. Next year, I encourage all of y'all to turn out for Austin's pride festivity and enjoy it while it's still Austin-flavored and you know everyone in the parade. It's only a matter of time before it grows up and then you'll miss it.

Binge and Pride

Not to be left out of the global pride festivities, GQB Austin is proud to do its part with the 2nd Annual Gay Pub Crawl. Just in case some of you missed it last time or got lost along the way, we've decided to make it easy for you--we're going to do the exact same bars at the exact same time. Whether or not you do the exact same men is up to you. Here's how it works. Check out the schedule and be at the designated bar at the designated time wearing the designated uniform. Don't be late because we'll only be at each bar for 45 minutes. This is just long enough to make an entrance, get a drink, check out the John, kissmingle for a few minutes, and then leave. If you missed your opportunity to march in this year's pride parade, you'll have your opportunity to parade with us in rainbow colors between SpeakEasy and Shakespeare's. It's about a 3 block walk up Congress and down 6th street. Last year, we held up traffic until we were forced to jump out the way. Don't miss your opportunity to tour four of Austin's classic straight bars featuring the maximum security backyard of Joe's and the coffin centerpiece at Love Joy's. Be there. Be proud.

Bus Trip!!

Many of you have expressed interest in chartering a bus and taking a short trip to one of the small towns 20-40 minutes outside of town. We want consider this bus trip as a possible event for our THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY invasion in August. If you are interested in purchasing an approxiately $20 ticket to ride this bus to an undisclosed small town, now your time to show that you're really interested. Send an email to to get on the reservation list. Once you are on the list, you will be asked for earnest money because charter companies don't accept Geoffrey Bucks.

Shoal Creek Flooded by Men

As promised, we completely conquered Shoal Creek Saloon once again. Took up every single table on that awesome patio overlooking the arroyo seco. Apparently, at one point there was a line to get into the bar itself and a few pleadings from the staff to warn them next time. The food was good, the evening was warm and breezy, the beer was cold, and y'all were handsome and plentiful. A very successful invasion.

Have You Met my Fag Stag?

A mystery has been solved. A new species of men has been officially identified and catalogued. Now it's time for you to go get one for yourself because they are the trendiest thing to appear in gay clubs worldwide. They're called Fag Stags and you've gotta have one. These Fag Stags are often handsome, chicly dressed, very personable (too friendly to be true), not shy about dancing, and like to talk about relationships and other substantive things. In fact, they are the Stealth bomber of the scene for indeed, they are not gay men, nor are they closet-cases nor are they necessarily "curious" or bi-sexual. They're simply straight men who enjoy or even prefer the company of 'mos. It still remains to be seen whether these uber-cockteasers are a blessing or a curse. So be wary brothers, that elusive duded may be a guerrilla in your midst.

Blurt: Relaxasizors and floggers--Another Leather Social is upon us

Daddy Tim wants y'all to know that *tonite* is happening of another episode of the Austin Gay Leather Social. He sent us this tease:

Remember kindergarten when you lusted after that hot little boy that
sat next to you? Then in second grade when you made out with your
best friend behind the school bathroom? That day when you had show
and tell at school and you brought in your favorite toy? Well, it's
time for show and tell again kids! Bring in your favorite toy.

The social is Wednesday June 11 from 7:00 to 9:00PM at The Rainbow Cattle Co.

COMMUNITY ALERT: Hit by Car at Parade

Within minutes of hitting the send button, it has just come to our attention that one of us was involved in a hit-and-run during the parade on Saturday night. Monkeyboi has been a guerrilla since the early days. We are including his call for assistance below:

Dear friends,

Sorry for the mass mailing. I'm the guy who got hit by a drunk driver at
the Pride parade. He was Caucasian with shoulder-length light/sandy brown
hair, and driving a white Jeep. I'm looking for information about the
driver from people who witnessed his attitude towards any parade
participants. Or if anyone noticed where he entered the parade route, or
how he drove along it, that could be important too. I'm hoping that someone
who gets this email will have seen something, or will know of someone else
who did. Any information will be really useful in building my case.

A couple news agencies have picked up the story as well, and they're
interested in any further details we can give them. Of course, the story
won't be news for long, so it would be nice to uncover details sooner rather
than later. I'd really appreciate if you'd forward this to the members of
your parade group at your earliest convenience. The best way to reach me is
by phone between 9 AM and midnight.

Thanks so much for your help!
Matt Smith
cell: [number withheld --rcm]

Upcoming Invasions of the 21st Century

June 13, July 11, August 8
(The Secret Date Picking Algorithm: The SECOND Friday of every month)

Mottos, Creeds, and Oaths
"Colonize, don't clone!"

Rule #1. Don't talk about the Fist Club.
Rule #2. Don't talk about the Fist Club.

Can't spell "guerrilla"?? Try

For more information on this and other invasions by the Austin Outpost of the Guerrilla Queer Bar see

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