The Smoking Banana

Subscribe to the Smoking Banana
Powered by

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Thank you for your support of The Smoking Banana.

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Official Spam of the Austin Outpost of the Guerrilla Queer Bar

Inside this edition of the Smoking Banana (August 2003)

--->Troop Alert: SPECIAL THIRD ANNIVERSARY FIELD TRIP: Walburg, Texas (see details below).
--->Bus Trip to the Boonies: Fagtoberfest in Walburg, Texas
--->GQB Austin turns 3
--->Adam's Apple
--->Blurt: Are you ready to rumble?
--->Blurt: Austin Cabaret presents Sam Harris
--->Upcoming Invasions of the 21st Century

Troop Alert

Attack Details

What: Special 3rd Anniversary Field Trip/Small Town Invasion
When: Friday, August 8, 6-10 pm
Where: Walburg Mercantile Restaurant, 30.73503° N, 97.58757° W, 78763, (512) 863-8440.
Wear: Green

Take I-35 North past Georgetown; Take the Walburg exit (268), then take a left (going east) on 972. Walburg Restaurant will be 4 miles down the road. The town and restaurant are pretty much one and the same. Approximately 30 miles from Austin.

Bus Trip to the Boonies: Augtoberfest in Walburg, Texas

Okay, you can stop holding your breast. The target of the highly-touted 3rd Anniversary Invasion is Walburg, Texas. The advance team has been there and we love it. Basically, the entire town is a giant, old-fashioned German beer hall complete with authentic yodeling courtesy of the Walburg Boys. The beer hall seats a whole bunch of people. Out back is the beer garden with ample tables and benches in a wonderful warm-night setting. Giant steins of German beer for the thirsty and plenty of weiners and wurst (weeners and worse) for the hungry. If you've never done an Octoberfest before, now is your chance to get done at a Fagtoberfest with a bunch of green-clad homos in a small Texas town. Once the homos arrive in any ghetto, the rents go up, so now's your opportunity to buy German barn chic. This will truly be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

To make things even more exciting, GQB-Austin has chartered a bus and we thank you for reserving and buying your tickets early, enabling us to plan the event and break-even. For those of you who have not purchased a ticket in advance, you may buy at ticket on the bus for $25, provided there is space available. If you don't ride on the bus with us, then hop in your car and meet us there! Here are the bus details:

Bus Details

Depart: Hancock Center, 41st and Red River (Near Jason's Deli, next to HEB), 6:00pm
Arrive: Walburg, Texas, approximately 6:30pm

Depart: Walburg, Texas, 9:30pm
Arrive: Hancock Center, approximately 10:00pm

There is plently of well-lighted parking at Hancock Center. Please be respectful of shopping center patrons and park your cars in the outer spaces.

Cocktails on the bus are okay. You're responsible for your own spills and other leakage.

GQB Austin turns 3

Can you believe it's already been three years? Yep, three whole years and 41 tricks. Not bad for a social organization with a modest political agenda. This month's invasion of Walburg, Texas will be our 41st outing. For those of you who are quick with the math, you'll notice that it doesn't quite add up. That's because we used to do more than one trick per night back when we were younger. We also didn't have a dress code. But after a little trial and error we developed a formula that seems to work: Homo Happy Hour. We've since added the annual Queer Pub Crawl during Pride Week. We've also experimented with Dinner with Ding-a-ling where we bring a date and take over a restaurant. We could try that again if there's interest. GQB Austin is mismanaged by a junta of contentious, ill-informed, and overbearing yet loveable men known affectionately as the Council of Daddies. You are free to join the council and let your voice be heard.

We've got a lot to be proud of besides the 41 notches on our bedpost. Let's talk initiative and size. We were the first chapter of the Guerrilla Queer Bar to form after the original launched in San Francisco in June 2000. The Mother Ship celebrated her 3-year anniversary last month. To-date, outside of San Francisco, we are the largest of all the other chapters with a roster boasting 741 men. Relative to our population base, we have amazing [market] penetration. Thanks to word-of-mouth and email forwarding, those 741 men manage to get the word out each month to well over a thousand homos worldwide. Yes, worldwide. While we regularly attract a loyal contingent from San Antonio each month, and Brenham and Houston to a lesser extent, we've also been visited by traveling homosexuals from the likes of Los Angeles, SF, and bona fide foreign countries. Don't forget that last year we were tailed by a documentary film crew from New York City and may end up on one of the increasingly gay-friendly television networks.

While GQB Austin shares DNA with San Francisco, as expected, we definitely do things differently in Texas. We're not as much into the performance art aspects of our Bay Area bretheren, but we're probably the only city in the world where the fags color coordinate one day every month. We've also established our own culture within our traveling bar--a culture of "no attitude." This means we provide a place every month where you can walk up to any guy and introduce yourself without fear of rudeness. GQB Austin has evolved into a place where you can talk and get to know guys on a level not possible in Austin's dark, noisy alternatives. You have yourselves to thank for that and it's for this reason that we repeatedly hear that GQB Austin has become an anticipated, monthly highlight on the social calendar.

Congratulations and carry on.

Adam's Apple

Last month's invasion of the Apple Bar provided us with an opportunity to congregate in a chic joint with cool music. Did you happen to notice the glory hole? Interesting. We sipped on pricey green apple martinis and other stuff. As usual, we caught the bar staff unawares and endured long lines until their reinforcements arrived. With nearly 100 men in red, we definitely made an impression. Bravo! Pictures courtesy of Bruce Weatherford:

Blurt: Are you ready to rumble?

The Austin Lonestars Rugby Football Club is Austin's inclusive men's rugby team, welcoming new players regardless of age, ethnicity, sexual orientation, athletic experience, or rugby experience. All shapes and sizes are needed! Want to learn rugby, get fit, and have lots of fun in the process? Stop by practice on Wed. 6:30pm or Sat. 9:30am at Zilker Park (Near the main entrance on the south side of Barton Springs Rd.). Visit or email for all the latest on joining the club, or becoming a sponsor. [editor's note: uh, can it get any butcher than this? are you allowed to cry if you get hurt?]

Blurt: Austin Cabaret Theater presents Sam Harris

Broadway and recording artist Sam Harris, the original Star Search champion, September 5-6, 2003, 8:30pm, (512) 453-ACTS, $40. Performances at the historic Scottish Rite Theater, 18th and Lavaca. [editor's note: cabaret and queens in a Masonic temple is a weird cultural experience in and of itself]

Upcoming Invasions of the 21st Century

August 8, September 12, October 10
(The Secret Date Picking Algorithm: The SECOND Friday of every month)

Mottos, Creeds, and Oaths

"Colonize, don't clone!"

Rule #1. Don't talk about the Fist Club.
Rule #2. Don't talk about the ! Fist Club.

Can't spell "guerrilla"?? Try

For more information on this and other invasions by the Austin Outpost of the Guerrilla Queer Bar see

Thank you for your support of The Smoking Banana.